Or anyone else visitng Britain for the first time. It's just a bit about pubs....
The Public House is a great British Institution. Although they are creeping in, the Pub is not a bar, it's not a coffee shop and it's not for kids.
Here is a bit of pub etiquette, because you need to know how to behave properly to avoid drawing too much attention to yourself. You've seen "Trainspotting" haven't you?
1. Go up to the bar and ask for what you want. Don't sit down and expect to be served. This is not France.
2. Note your place in the queue if there is one. Don't push, don't shout and don't flash a £10 note under the barman's nose. They don't like this. Don't complain if you think someone wrongly beats you to be served. The bartender rules here. His decision is final. Getting service in a busy pub is a subtle skill acquired after many visits over the years.
3. Assert your position in the waiting queue, and try to get eye contact with the bar staff, flirting a little maybe if it's a person of the opposite sex.
4. Exchange pleasantries with the people around you to find out who's next. It's good to talk.
5. If there are several in your party, whoever gets the bar man's attention first, orders a "round" of drinks, and pays immediately, in cash, for all the drinks in that round. The evening normally passes with a number of rounds being consumed. You take it in turns to buy rounds.
To avoid buying a round, you stop at the pub door, and hold it open for your friends, hence making sure you don't get to the bar first. There are other ways to avoid buying drinks (don't pull the female one with me - girls earn money too) but these are transparent and soon spotted. Scottish people are rumoured to buy less rounds. Allegedly. Short arms and deep pockets.
6. Real men drink beer, in pints, and would face ridicule if ordering a "Martini". We don't actually know what a Martini is. To us, this is one specific brand of aperitif, a bit like sherry, and is only drunk by girls and old ladies.
6a. - You cannot just ask for Bitter or Lager, unless you are happy to show your ignorance, or appear to be 15. You must scan the hand pumps, see what is on offer, make a choice based on strength (%ABV) colour, flavour, body or your mood, and order that specific Ale by name. Understanding Real Ale is a black art, which real men with beer guts and beards take in their stride, but outsiders fail to grasp, so ask for some bland and tasteless lager, like Carling (IMHO). Heavy marketing sells bland beer to the ill-informed. Exmoor Gold, pictured left (click it) is one of my favourites by the way.
7. You all FINISH your drinks, to the last dregs, every last drop. It appears very rude to leave a drink, particlarly if someone else has bought it for you (yes -this really bugs me), and it's simply wasteful if you paid for it yourself.
8. Don't leave a tip.
Virtually the only people to earn generous tips here in England, are individuals running motorcycle tours.
Tipping a barman isn't the norm, but does occur sometimes; more in a country pub setting. If chatting naturally, not forced "American Tourist" style to a friendly bar person, you may say "get one for yourself". They may literally pour themselves a drink and charge it to you. Being polite, it is normally not an expensive cocktail - like bar girls in Thailand!!! - but will usually be a modest half of beer or a soft drink. Often they will take the equivalent money (about a pound) and put it into a pot, to share out amongst the other staff, or buy drinks "after hours".
9. Lock-ins. Can't be bothered to explain this fully now, but it broadly means at 10:30pm or 11:00pm the Landlord will ring a loud bell and in a fairly rude manner will eject you from his pub while shouting loudly "haven't you got homes to go to?" Then you will notice that the doors are shut and curtains drawn. Stangely though, the landlord will have kicked out the general public and people he doesn't like, but allowed the locals and his favourites to remain inside and carry on drinking until the wee hours. It is a great priviledge to be invited to a "lock-in". All these are unwritten rules however, and inadmissable in a court of law.
10. Serious point. Drinking and driving is illegal. There is a blood alcohol limit of 80 milligrams in a certain quantity of blood. It varies greatly on your body weight and what you've had to eat. 2 pints of beer is likely to push you to the drink drive limit. Most drivers will stick to one pint, or in my recent observations, avoid alcohol completley while motorcycling.
English Ales (and lagers) tend to be stronger than draught beers in America. 3.4% to 3.8% ABV (alcohol by volume) would be a light ale here. "Normal" strength is 4.0 to 5.0% ABV. Some strong Ales and lagers may go to 6%, 7% and beyond. It might be worth bearing this in mind, if attempting to neck a few ales with the locals. English drinkers will leave the car / motorcycle at home, and either take a taxi, catch a bus, cycle, or walk to the pub.
I was prompted to start putting stuff like this on my website when I realised just how different American and English language and culture is. I've made many observations over the last few years - and discovered people even write whole books on the subject. This Anglo-American lady wrote to me, and the excerpts from her book are well observed. I've ordered a copy.
Dear Bill,
I would like to tell you about my new book, "Rules, Britannia: An Insider's Guide to Life in the United Kingdom", (St. Martin's Press, NY). It is written specifically for Americans visiting the UK, especially those who plan to go beyond the usual tourist schedule. It covers a wide variety of topics, giving the plain facts about life in the UK, in an informative and entertaining way.
It is receiving great reviews on both sides of the Atlantic. Please take a look at my web site to learn more. www.rulesbritannia.com. The book is available throughout the US and currently on the Amazon UK web site, with more UK outlets to follow in the near future. I hope you will agree that "Rules, Britannia" would greatly enhance the service you provide your American clients traveling to or around the UK.
Thank you,
Toni Hargis
I just had a letter of complaint about this article? (from an American) Weird eh?
It was suppsed to be slightly useful (Americans do actually take a seat in a pub, sit there for ages, and wonder why they are not getting served) and mildly humorous.
If you don't like this kind of banter, give Bike Tours UK a miss.
I just wrote this in response to an item on a Forum, so might as well not waste it...
I could ramble on all day about pros & cons of living in the UK. Probably too much information to flood a message board with. Despite perhaps misleading similarities; the same language (but not as similar as you might think) and supposedly the same foreign policies (highly contentious), the differences betwen the USA and the UK may be greater than you think. I'll confess straight away - that apart from in transit at JFK, I've never been to the United States. However, I have travelled to virtually every continent in the world, and stayed in something like 20 different countries. I'm fairly well travelled, and have seen how people live, in different places. I didn't really understand the uniqueness of England, until I'd spent time in, or worked in many other places first. Many of my customers are American, and up to 80% of people viewing my website are from the USA. I "import" American tourists every year, who join my motorcycle tours. Many of my guests have left the USA for the first time, and find England quite different. Remember - it's possibly an urban myth, but we're told only 6% of Americans hold passports. They travel less than we do, and have less expereince of living in other countries. An utter guess, but I would think perhaps 50% + of British people hold passports. (I just tried Google, and got this, http://www.gyford.com/phil/writing/2003/01/31/how_many_america.php ) What I'm trying to say is, many Americans come to Britain for the first time, and think it's going to be like America. But it isn't. If you're after a complete change, then maybe this is it! There are of course, many British people who are fed up with life here now, and decide to emigrate to Spain or wherever. Even Panama. Cultural difference is a topic of interest to me. Just some observations which may be hard to prove - just opinions really. Good things about England;History & quaintness - England is genuinely old, and has real history and traditions. Fairly small, and fairly easy to travel to all 4 corners. Relatively low rate of crime compared to some countries, and as yet, little armed crime (all relative, and deteriorating, however) Police force are normally quite approachable, and not armed with guns. (unless special, rare circumstances) Cheap travel to Europe and rest of World. Despite its more unpleasant sides, mass-market package tourism has caused prices to tumble, and gives us all cheap holidays. We get a generous holiday allowance (compared to States). 22 days (plus bank holidays) is about the minimum here. Many enjoy 30 days upwards. We have the NHS. Open to all. We are proud of our English ways and customs, but still also reasonably tolerant of other cultures. We have some great pubs and great beers (subjective of course) I believe our salaries are quite high now, compared to averages in Europe and the States. Temperate climate - we have enough rain, and enough sun (just), nice green scenery, attractive farmlands and pleasant National Parks. In general, we are fairly polite people, who still say please, thank you, and sorry. Fairly good public transport (although it could be better), and not quite everyone in the land is totally car dependent yet. We still call Christmas, Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone! We do sarcasm. We can have an odd, dry, bleak sense of humour. All these things, you may get to like. Less attractive things about England, or things Americans complain aboutOur roads are now getting quite congested. Americans comment that we drive faster and more aggressively than them. When we can. More time is spent in traffic jams these days. Our speed limits are higher. We might have high salaries, but we also have high taxes. We also now have many "stealth taxes", you'd be surprised how much we pay for petrol. I feel our culture is getting more diluted, and more Americanised due to TV, Film and large global companies. Personally, I resist this. Americans EXPECT to see a Macdonalds and a Starbucks in every high street, Frankly it appalls me  I try and take my guests to places where they will not see one  There is a fear of rising crime rates. Very few actual murders (compared USA) & gun crime, but more and more petty stuff. There is tendency now to tax & persecute the motoring middle classes (by cameras & computers) in order to hit crime detection targets, whilst doing little to combat the growing lawlessness on the Council Estates. American say our hotels are expensive, and of a poor strandard. This is often true - but they are often genuinely old. 400 year old Country Inns were not originally built with walk-in ensuite bathrooms. We have separate hot & cold taps. Americans can't understand why we don't have one "faucet" (mixer tap). They think our showers are way too small. Our weather can be grey and miserable. That's we flock abroad every Summer, and often Winter as well. We are a little more reserved, and quiet, than Americans. We don't strike up open conversations quite as readily. I often do, but then, I'm not normal. As an opening gambit, we'd never say, "how much do you make a year?" There are whole books written on this subject. I still think we are less "commerical" than the States. Not everything is about money. It's changing, but it's less hard sell here. On the surface of it, our service personnel can be more rude than in America. They are not normally trained to say, "have a nice day, Sir". But, if they do say something similar, they generally mean it. Am I right? | 
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